well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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