Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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