I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
