I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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