To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
