First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
