you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
