i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
