Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
