He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
