READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
