one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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