maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
