I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
