they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
