does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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