then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
