I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
organizing the empties. That sober.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
