i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
