So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
