Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
