Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My feet surprised me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
