The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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