You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
