it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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