No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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