I wish I only lived at night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
