I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Quick, to the slutcave!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
