At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
