He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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