Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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