we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
