her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
