A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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