did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
