No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
