I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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