he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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