I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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