On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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