There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
