omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
