hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
