You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
