she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
