she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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