who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
