When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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