New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They took my balls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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