I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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