You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
